surviving on coffee and grace

Dear Amelia,

I haven’t written you a letter since before you were born. I think it’s due to being overwhelmed with all the facets of you and motherhood. I don’t want to miss a second, and was perpetually in a state of joy, sadness, awe, and terror for the first month or two. Then, I was in a cycle of preparing for returning to work. But now, I have processed. And I have something to say. Continue reading

I am a big believer in making your own happiness. It’s hard when there is a lot going on, and as someone who gets anxious and nervous (especially without carefully thought out planning), it can be easy to get caught in a mire of discontent.

Years and years ago, I kept a joyful list: things, people, and occupancies each day that brought me joy that day. It had to be specific to that day/moment (i.e. not “family”). I only kept it for a few weeks because, honestly, I was overwhelmed with all that I wrote each day. Continue reading

I’m sure that, as the weeks and months pass, I will forget more and more of the details of Amelia’s birth so today, one week after she entered this world, seemed a good time to write down all the details.

I should note, especially for anyone who is currently pregnant, that every labor is different.  Every pregnancy is different.  My story is not your story, and my pains are not your pains.  I progressed incredibly fast and I think that contributed a lot to…actually, scratch that.  Labor hurts.  But, it’s worth it.  And it’s a different pain, because you know where it is coming from and what it results in.  And I’d still go through it again, which says a lot. Continue reading

Dear Baby Amelia,

It’s almost time for you to make your grand entrance into this world! We are at 38 weeks and 4 days today. These past 9+ months have been such a ride. The first trimester was definitely the least fun – I couldn’t feel you in there and felt sick the entire time. I often woke up in a panic worried that this was all in my head.

The second trimester, I began feeling you move. It’s such a strange feeling – first like little gas bubbles and then actual kicks and punches! I was overwhelmed for most of the journey with work, grad school, and buying a home, but it was an amazing time. My favorite part of the day was in the evenings when your father came home and we’d sit on the couch together. His hand was always on my belly in the hopes that he would feel you move, and the look on his face when he’d feel you were extraordinary. Continue reading